I have really been struggling over the last week in regards to believing I have missed out on some of the blessings God may have had for me because of my unwillingness to even consider walking with him in some of the opportunities he was placing in my way. For those who do not know, we purchased a house mid-May. We know beyond a shadow of doubt that God orchestrated this and it has been a blessing. However, at the same time, God opened a door for Scott to consider a pastoral position at a church that was not at all close to the house we just purchased. Instead of praying diligently and seeking God's will on my knees, I busied myself with getting the house ready and setting it up. I focused on all the things that we would be able to do now that we had our own house. I harbored selfish joy at seeing the kids playing with their friends and told myself that God would not take my kids off to another place they didn't know and leave behind what they finally had been longing for...friends. I told myself that God would not take me off to another place when I too was finally being able to pour into my own friendships with women.
However, on Sunday night I listened to a sermon that really convicted me. God pressed so hard on my heart the pridefulness I have had over the last month. I have totally turned my back on what God might have been wanting me to walk in and walked in my own ways. He is revealing to me that he alone is supreme and sovereign. No matter what I think is best for me and my family, he knows what is truly best for us. I struggle with not knowing for sure if God wanted us to go to the church that called Scott. I can rest in the fact that Scott did not disengage in what God was doing and he had total peace about staying in Tomball. However, I only wish that I could have had total peace from God in knowing that he wanted us to stay. My prayer is that he would, even after the fact, give me the peace that he wanted to give me during the process.
God reminded me out of Proverbs 16 this morning about how my plans fit into his. God states: "The plans of the heart belong to man, But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, But the LORD weighs the motives. Commit your works to the LORD and your plans will be established...He who gives attention to the word will find good and blessed is he who trusts in the Lord" Proverbs 16:1-3, 20.
Lord, the plans of my heart were and still are my own. Help me to hear the answer of the tongue from you. My ways seemed so right in my own sight. They seemed so perfect, but LORD, you know what was really in my heart. You know what my motives were as I hid behind my "perfect" plans. Lord, I give my life once again over to you. I give my desires, my plans, my children, my husband, over to you. Help me to be attentive to your word as it teaches me to trust in you and not be afraid to follow in your footsteps without fear. Thank you for your "kindness, tolerance, and patience" (Romans 2:4) toward me. I love you Lord. Amen.
"My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead. Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature, but I make ever effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus." Philippians 3: 10-12